I DON’T THINK I FULLY UNDERSTOOD MY MOTHER’S MENTAL STATE WHEN
LEAVING MY ABUSIVE FATHER UNTIL I WATCH THIS SERIES. MAID ON NETFLIX.

MY MOM FLED MID DAY WHILE DAD WAS AT WORK… WITH FIVE CHILDREN. THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE LEFT MY FATHER SHOWED UP TO OUR HOUSE WITH A BROWN PAPER BAG TELLING MY MOM THAT THERE WAS A GUN INSIDE. I’M SURE SHE WAS TERRIFIED.

THERE WERE PRIOR ACCOUNTS OF MY DAD SETTING FIRE TO OUR HOUSE WITH US IN IT. TIMES WHERE HE WOULD HOLD A GUN TO MY MOM‘S HEAD. HE’D PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE HER AND MY SIBLINGS. I WAS TOLD HE TRIED DRIVING ME INTO A POND WITH HIM WANTING TO DROWN THE TWO OF US.

I DON’T REMEMBER A LOT OF THIS. I WAS SO YOUNG. I’M SURE I BLOCKED A LOT OF IT OUT. BUT THIS CYCLE CONTINUED INTO MY LIFE. ESCAPING MY ABUSER/TRAFFICKER WAS HARD. I RETURNED TO HIM NUMEROUS TIMES. THINKING HE LOVED ME. FEARFUL HE WOULD HURT MY FAMILY. MY SON.

I HAD NO SUPPORT. NO WHERE TO GO. OR SO I THOUGHT. GETTING OUT AND GETTING HELP WAS A STARTING POINT. I HAD TO LEARN TO SAY NO MORE. I WANTED MORE FOR MY LIFE. FOR MY SON. ENDURING THE ABUSE WAS NOT THE ANSWER. SURE IT WAS GOING TO BE HARD TO GET BACK ON MY FEET BUT IT COULDN’T BE ANY HARDER THAN ENDURING THE SUFFERING I WAS GOING THROUGH EVERYDAY.

I STILL LIVE WITH PTSD FROM WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH BUT I DON’T LET IT CONTROL ME. THERE ARE TIMES WHERE I NEED TO BE REMINDED MORE OFTEN THAN NOT OF WHO I AM IN CHRIST, WHO I AM, AND WHO’S I AM!

THERE ARE STILL DAYS THAT I FIND MYSELF LAYING ON THE FLOOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO GET UP. AND OF COURSE WHEN IM DOWN THE ENEMY LOVES TO REMIND ME OF MY PAST, MISTAKES, FAILURES, LIES TO KEEP ME BOUND. THANKFULLY I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO MY SIN. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. I KNOW THAT I AM CHERISHED.. VALUED. WANTED. LOVED.

THE ENEMYS ATTACKS STILL COME, I’VE JUST LEARNED TO ARM MYSELF WITH TRUTH SO THAT HE CANNOT CONFUSE ME OR DERAIL ME ANYMORE. A LION WITH NO TEETH. HE CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE.

TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER, AND YOUR SONS HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE. HOW PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT THEM. HOW TO SPEAK KINDLY TO ONE ANOTHER. HOW TO DEFLECT WORDS THAT ARE ABUSIVE AND NOT UPLIFTING. HOW TO FIND THEIR VOICE.

DON’T LET THE CYCLE CONTINUE. BECAUSE IT WILL. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. GET HELP ❤️